News

Alison Cook looks back at 1996: Year of the Rat

Continued from page 5

Why Santa's reindeer won't fly over River Oaks without their little Kevlar vests

Socialite Pepe Anderson told the Chronicle's "Entertaining" section about her family's traditional sportsman's Christmas tree, which began when her grandchildren festooned an evergreen with red and green fishing worms, then garlanded it with empty shotgun shells strung on fishing line.

Eat your heart out, Tim Leary
Vicki Criezis, widow of former Houston restaurateur Ernie Criezis -- he of Harlow's and The Great Caruso -- found him a plot next to Marilyn Monroe's crypt in Hollywood's Forest Lawn cemetery.

After decades of research
Houston's Ladies Who Lunch, reluctant to mess up their lipstick or leave unsightly smears on their drinking glasses, decided en masse to sip their iced tea through straws.

2-2, exc. condition, wtr vu
The Neiman Marcus holiday catalog offered a $5,000 fully furnished fish condominium.

Including Envy Green, Ostentation Orange and Mercenary Mauve
At a party where the female guests were asked to come in exercise clothes, socialite Margaret Williams arrived in a Chanel spandex halter, Chanel spandex short shorts over Chanel leggings, and a floaty Chanel wrap -- a workout ensemble which she owns in several colors.

When they sang "and many more," they meant it
Don Sanders -- the business executive, not the folk singer -- celebrated his 60th birthday by flying 178 friends to the Phoenician resort in Phoenix, where he treated them to golf and tennis tournaments, spa treatments and massages, an outdoor barbecue with fireworks and a seated dinner-dance.

We're afraid to ask about Pussy Galore
Businessman Russell Bentley's 007-themed birthday festivities featured his staged "abduction" from a golf course and a private plane ride home, where gold-painted female legs sprouted from his lawn, casino gambling equipment had been installed in his house and his wife's hairdresser sported a diamond-and-emerald necklace twined in his locks.

That's Entertainment

The prosecution rests
A Channel 11 report on whether Houston TV stations devote too much time to crime news was preceded by a lengthy segment on the death of two La Porte teenagers and a piece on the discovery of two corpses along Texas 288.

Thus setting back Houston's new image campaign ten years
Rumors spread that a Planet Hollywood would open next year in the Pavilion on Post Oak's defunct movie theater.

The nabobs at Newsweek were suitably impressed
Promoter N. Durr announced plans to bring the Three Tenors to play the Astrodome for what she billed as their final concert anywhere; pricing tickets at $1,000$2,500 for floor seating, she promised to cut the show's set into small pieces, curtains and all, and sell it to audience members.

But there was so much pond scum, all they hooked were bottom-feeders
The Summer Boat Show featured a "Media Fishing Frenzy" at which such luminaries as Roseann Rogers, Dayna Steele, Tom Koch and Lanny Griffith cast their lines into a trout-filled swimming pool to see who could catch the biggest fish.

Make mine static
Channel 13, airing nothing but static and fuzz after its transmitter went out for 20 minutes, still beat Channel 51's news and Channel 8's documentary, The Joy of Stress, in that time period.

But only if Clyde Wilson plays Percy Foreman
Donna Mills, the aging Knots Landing babe, announced that she'd like to play the late Houston socialite/presumptive murderess Candace Mossler in a TV miniseries.

Suspicions confirmed
Chronicle columnist Thom Marshall confessed that the few times he had attempted to keep a journal, he gave it up "because it seemed like there wasn't much to say. Nothing exciting happened to write about."

Make mine static, Part II
Channel 51's Thanksgiving morning special, filmed in anchorwoman Donna Rusch's small house, featured the culinarily clueless hostess fixing dinner, co-host Doug Johnson jumping out of an airplane, an indigestion expert and a sports report on how to watch football all day undisturbed.

But if he'd accused the guy's mom of wearing army boots, that would have been another matter

A jury ruled that disc jockey Lanny Griffith was wrongfully fired by KLOL after he did a live commercial with an advertiser during which he kidded the man about his wife sleeping around and having loose morals.

Your Government at Work

He has more in common with LBJ than he knows
Novice candidate Michael Bunch, labeling incumbent state Representative Diana Davila "a wild liberal," sent out fliers exhorting his would-be constituents to "Vote a Bunch."

Michael Bunch wishes he'd thought of that
Democratic state Representative Kenneth Yarbrough's two-bedroom home in the Heights was listed in county records as home to 14 other registered voters, including his three adult children, his companion's two adult children, her former son-in-law, her mother and six miscellaneous adults -- most of whom voted regularly in Democratic primaries, although they received mail at addresses in other districts.

Try asking Kathy Whitmire and Sylvester Turner
After Mayor Bob Lanier got lost in his notes while trying to persuade NFL owners to promise Houston another football team, one owner wondered aloud, "How did that guy get elected?"

He's hoping we won't find out what he said about Lady Bird
Foes unearthed evidence that Republican congressional candidate Ron Paul had called Jack Kemp "a malicious jerk," George Bush a "bum" and the late Barbara Jordan "a fraud."

Kenneth Starr, call your office
Jack Cherry, a Democrat who wanted to succeed Steve Stockman, complained that the congressman had improperly spent about $48 in campaign contributions on haircuts and dry-cleaning.

She had to cancel her joint trapeze act with the mayor of Moscow
City councilwoman Helen Huey broke her leg while serving as a target at a
dunking contest.

It was her Zen-like calm that fooled them
Huey, who is of Lebanese, Native American and European extraction, was mistakenly listed in a national directory of Asian elected officials.

Her colleagues are just opting for "Bubba" teeth
After a Council study team decided to visit topless clubs, adult book stores and peep shows incognito, Huey, mulling possible disguises, told a reporter, "You've just never seen me in leather, have you?"

As if Helen Huey in leather weren't enough to discourage patrons
Among the measures suggested to Council for cracking down on topless clubs were requiring dancers to remain six feet away from the nearest customer, eliminating tall chairs that obscure lewd conduct and requiring dancers to perform behind Plexiglas barriers.

The NRA loved him
Tom Kelley, Republican nominee for the state Senate, was discovered to be an ex-con who served time for two 1960 armed holdups.

Get thee behind me, Clinton
Roland Elledge, Republican candidate for Harris County tax assessor-collector, said he had emerged from bankruptcy in the '80s with two good things: "First, I found my Lord Jesus Christ, and second, I pledged to work as hard as I could for the rest of my life to defeat Democrats."

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